How Harry Potter REALLY Ends Christmas Edition
by Kadasa-Mori
Summary: A one shot off of the one shots of how Voldie really expires in the Christmas spirit.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own any Harry Potter characters, Harry Potter places, Harry Potter ideals or Harry Potter plots. I do not own Christmas, Santa or Candy Canes. I do own everything that I didn't mention above… except your cat… or dog... wOOt.

**Summary:** A one shot off of the one shots of how Voldie really expires in the Christmas spirit.

**Warning:** There will be extreme insanity ahead. If you are affected by bouts of giggling fits, you may want a pillow handy in case you fall off your chair.

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
**How the Harry Potter Series **_**Really**_** Ends – Christmas Edition **

**By: Kadasa Mori**

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
**--- Naughty or Evil? ---**

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Voldemort was happily enjoying his game of Uno against Nagini. He was winning (of course) and was very happy about it, gloating to the sleeping serpent that paid no mind to her master chattering away.

"MY LORD!!!!" a shriek echoed from downstairs.

"And I-meh?" He set the cards down and headed downstairs, the snake peeking open an eye and switching their decks quickly before he returned.

Voldemort entered his throne room to find Bellatrix in tears on the ground in the middle of the room. Snape looked likewise horrified and Lucius had fainted. The other Death Eaters wore similar looks of apprehension and fear. The Dark Lord's eyes narrowed. This was not how his minions were supposed to act when he wasn't threatening them.

"What has happened?" he hissed. "What has occurred to put all of you in such a state of fear?"

"My lord!!!" Bellatrix wailed, grabbing the hem of his robes as she lay on the ground. "It is awful! Horrible!"

"What is?" he asked in confusion, trying not to shift uncomfortably at the hands dirtying his pretty cloak.

"You're… you're on…"

"On what woman?! Spit it out!"

"You're on the naughty list!!!" she wailed loudly, falling into a pile of sobs.

Voldemort blinked then raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Snape took his turned, seeing as how Bellatrix couldn't speak around her crying. "You're on the naughty list my lord. Santa decided that you deserve to be there."

"Good. It's better than the nice list."

"No, my lord. You don't understand. You're-"

"You're with the kids my lord!" Bellatrix wailed. "The ones that tug on their sister's hair, don't eat their vegetables or throw snowballs! You're among them!"

Voldemort's eyes widened then narrowed dangerously. "I am not like them!" he howled.

"I know! It's awfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllllllll!" she fell back crying again.

Snape inched away from Voldemort as the man's usually pale face turned purple in anger, wand shaking in his grasp. "I will kill this fat man is it's the last thing I do!"

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Voldemort scowled, watching the house through the bushes. He looked over at his henchmen irritably. "Snape. Have you found his location yet?"

"No sir. The Santa tracker says he's somewhere around here though."

"Good… I shall ambush him in _that_ house," he said, pointing the small two story building.

"How do you suppose we do that sir?"

"I shall climb onto the roof and go down the chimney and wait for him at the bottom. Once he appears I shall demand I be placed onto the Evil list. Once it has been done, I will kill him."

"Sounds good sir."

"Sir! He's heading this way!"

"All right! You all stay here! This is between me and him!"

Bellatrix had stars of admiration in her eyes. "Oh! Good luck my lord!"

He nodded and apparated onto the roof, climbing onto the chimney. He peered down in then took a deep breath and dove. He realized that was a bad idea halfway down when he realized he couldn't use his wand to slow his descent.

Luckily he stopped in time to avoid face planting into the stone firepit.

Unluckily, he got stuck.

Very unluckily, there was a small child sitting in front of the fireplace staring widely at him.

"Santa?" she asked in amazement then pouted. "You don't look like Santa."

He growled, wiggling to try and free himself.

"Are you Santa Claus?" the little girl asked.

"No I'm not!" he growled.

She frowned and grabbed a candy cane, poking him in the face with it. "Where's Santa?"

"I killed him!"

"Meanie!" She poked him harder.

He snarled and bit the candy cane in half and she screamed and ran away. He smirked and wiggled some more, finally freeing himself from his brick prison and falling to the ground. Turning so he lay on his stomach, he crawled forward about three inches before he heard a scraping down the chimney. He had enough time to wonder _what_? before it landed on his back.

He yelped but no noise came out seeing as how the thing was flattening him. It stood and walked out of the chimney, heading for the Christmas tree, not knowing it had just flattened him into a pancake. Once he regained his breath he leapt to his feet.

"Ah ha fat man!" he cried. "I've found you at last!"

"Why Tom Riddle. Whatever are you doing here?" Santa asked, turning from his placing of gifts.

Voldemort scowled. "My name is Lord Voldemort, fat man. And I'm here to demand the creation of a new list."

"New list? There is only two. The naughty and the nice and I cannot place you on the nice list Tom. It just can't be done. You've been too naughty. But perhaps next year."

"No you stupid cookie-muncher! I want the creation of a NEW list. One where I rule the top of the line! A list of," he pulled back dramatically. "_Evil_…"

Santa tapped his chin with a gloved finger. "Hm… Tom… I'm not sure I can create a new list…"

Voldemort scowled. "I _demand_ you create a new list bubble-being or I will kill you where you stand."

"Tom, Tom, Tom. You can not kill Santa. He is the joy and love of every being in the world."

There was a blank look on the snake's face before he sneered. "Silence reindeer wrangler. I demand a new list."

Santa sighed. "Well Tom," he munched into a cookie, "if I made an evil list… what do I give you for Christmas?"

Voldemort blinked. "Huh?"

"Well, I give the nice kids presents and the naughty kids coal. What would I give the evil ones?"

Voldemort frowned, tapping his chin. "Hm… how about… dead mice?"

Santa sent him a blank stare before chuckling. "Ho ho ho! You're very funny Tom."

"It's VOLDEMORT, stupid milk guzzler."

"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas Tom!"

Voldemort snarled as the red clothed man disappeared up the chimney. He scrambled up after the man and reached the top just in time to watch the sleigh fly off into the night. "This isn't the last you heard of Lord Voldemort, fat man! I _will_ kill you!!!"

"Ho ho ho! _Merrrrrry_ Christmas!!!!"

Voldemort snarled, stomping back towards his awaiting henchmen. "You didn't kill him my lord?" Bellatrix asked timidly.

He glared at her and she shrunk back. "There's always next year Bellatrix…" He cackled evilly. "Next year… he'll be mine…"

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

Making their way back to the hideout, most of the Death Eaters departed to go home to loved ones. Voldemort settled himself in front of the fire, Nagini still in the same spot she'd been in for the past three hours. Scowling, the dark lord glared at the flames. He suddenly felt drowsy but before he could do anything he was out cold.

When he awoke, it was daytime and the clock was chiming eight in the morning. He yawned and stretched widely when something hit his hand. Blinking, he looked and found a small gift, a note attached. He pulled it into his lap and opened the note.

_To Tom,_

_I've taken your wish into consideration and starting next year, you will be at the top of the evil list. _

_Santa_

Voldemort grinned and turned to the box tearing it open. He reached in and grabbed his present, bringing it up to eye level. Blinking in confusion, realization hit and he let out a scream of fury.

"I WILL KILL YOU FAT MAN!" he screamed, wringing the fluffy pink stuffed bunny's neck.

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
A million miles away, Santa chuckled in his sleep.

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
**Author's Note**: MERRY CHRISMAHANNAQUANKZIKA!!!

Majorly late and majorly sorry!!! I totally forgot I started writing this… (_weeps_) I just opened up the file today and was… WHAT?! What is this strange unfinished file that needs to be finished and posted?!

Whelp! Here it is! I hope your Merry Chrisma-hanna-quanz-ika was fantastically awesome!!!! Happy 2008 everyone!!!!

**Kadasa Mori **

P.S. I'm so going on the evil list for debating killing off Santa XDDDDDD


End file.
